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A change of faith on the horizon?
2003-10-12/12:29 a.m.
What do you think I should do?? Tonight Kenny, Bob and I ran into a situation that may have decided my future for me. We were getting ready to leave Matthew's (we were seeing if he was home) and when we pulled out of his driveway Kenny noticed that there was something lying in the road. We watched it for a couple of seconds and realized that it was indeed a human form. So we called the police. The dispatcher said that we could leave the scene. We stayed at the scene for a few minutes and Kenny noticed that there was like a stream coming from where the guy was lying. We determined that it was indeed blood. So I made another call from my cell to the police so they could send an ambulance along with the police. Kenny and Bob went out to tell the guy that he shouldn't try to move and that we'd called an ambulance. I couldn't do anything to help. Like when he was moving, the only thing I could do was say 'sir you really shouldn't move'. I couldn't even move any closer than like 7 feet from this guy.

We explained all we knew to the police and the EMTs, but it wasn't alot. I mean we don't live there, so there's no way to know if that guy lives around there, or if he was just some stranger. Matthew's neighbors came out and confirmed that the man lived in the neighborhood and that he spent a good deal of his time intoxicated. It seems like he was walking up and down the street and he just stumbled off the curb and the ground was not forgiving. Hopefully he will be alright. Maybe one of his neighbors will try and get in touch with his family.

I told Kenny to kind of watch to see if there's anything written in the police blotters about it. Maybe there will be some kind of update on his condition.

But on how this may have decided my future. I just don't think that I trust myself to help someone when they are in need. I mean I have some first aid training, and I have had CPR training. I know how to help someone if the need arises. The need arose, and I froze. I told Dad about it and he said that it's because I'm 18 years old. I probably did more than some 18 year olds would do. But to me it just didn't seem like it was enough. I'm so confused about everything. Maybe I'm really not meant to be a doctor. Maybe I shouldn't do anything in medicine b/c I just can't trust myself to know what to do if that should arise. I just don't know. I told my dad that I was going to look at like shadowing opportunities and checking out internships. I'm going to try the three things that i'm thinking of doing. I guess it just seems weird because my life's goal for so long had been to be a doctor. And now it just seems like something is pointing me in another direction. I just hope it's not fear that's leading me down this horrid hill.

Well I don't know if there's much more I can really say. I love you all. Rachel, sad that I couldn't see you again before I went back. I shall miss you incredibly. I will see you all, I'm sure, around thanksgiving.

~Kates

oh, colder grow the days

oh, much faster pass the years by

till we die

oh-oh, a treasure not my own

i take it, tuck it, nobody will notice

well this suits me well

big house, big yard, help myself, help myself

help myself

you know, every once in a while

to help the helpless comes into style

mercy mercy mile

1-800-help myself, help myself

help myself

oh, colder grow the days

oh, much faster pass the years by

oh, colder grow the days

oh, much faster pass the years by

till we die

-Help Myself

DMB

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