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| 2003-09-30/11:45 p.m. Well I have departed to and returned from the Wood. I can't begin to tell you how much I missed that place. First there was just driving on the streets. I forgot how nice it is to actually drive, b/c I don't do that down here. I forgot how nice it is to see my friends. I mean we picked up Lex at Miami, and I can't tell you how important it was that I hug her. It's been too much being away from you all. I just can't stand it. You guys have been such pillars of strength without having to be here it's simply amazing. I have to say that without you I would not have made it through the first month of school. I do have friends down here, but it's not the same. I can't tell you what it's like. It's like I haven't known them forever, and though we haven't known each other forever (well some of you have) it certainly feels like we have. Well I haven't decided to kill myself following any tests just yet, but we'll see after I get back the two that I took today. ARGH! I hate having tests on the same day. They are stupid. Well I have just returned from mass and I still don’t think that I’m meant to have any kind of faith. During petitions Fr. Chris asked for us to pray for those who are lost, so they may find their way. I laughed. I think there were only two people who noticed, Dee and Chris (the fronto). Dee just knew that their was something wrong and Chris looked at me funny. I also almost couldn’t stop myself from crying when Fr. Chris asked us to say any names of people we know who need some sort of healing. Did I say the name? No I didn’t. Did I think it? Of course I did, which must be some kind sign of hope. Well I hope it is, if not then I’m pretty much screwed, n’est-ce pas? I can’t believe what I coward I am. I can’t even say anything to ask God (whoever that may be) to help my dad. Or to give me the strength to ask someone for help. I think that would be one of those things that I should try to accomplish this year. The ability to ask people for help, for a shoulder to lean on that I don’t feel bad about talking to. I want to be talk to people and not feel like I’m being a burden. I hate feeling like a burden, and even if people say that I’m not a burden, I still feel that way. I have been helping myself so long with everything that it’s become really hard to ask anyone else for help. I mean how often did I tell my friends that nothing was wrong when I was internally tearing myself apart, wondering what was going to happen next? I can hope one day of having that kind of ability of talking to people who are not my diary and my closest friends. I mean I can’t tell some people who I call friends anything. I don’t quite understand that. Maybe one day… Sorry about my inability to share anything fun. You all basically know about my past weekend. Lots of running around, lots of fun with my friends, a surprise that worked for what it was worth. I missed seeing Rachel, Katie, and Seka. I hope you all had a good weekend away from the Wood. I hope to see you guys sometime soon, though I’m sure that Thanksgiving will be the closest time, eh? I don’t know how much more I have to say to you guys tonight. I can’t tell you this often enough. I love you and I hope the best for all of you in everything you do. ~Kates Isn't it funny how the roads just pass us by Isn't it crazy how we never get it right Time is wasted on money and money wasted on lust. Treat her like a lady and she'll never get enough Chorus Cause' its you that I'm runnin’ to baby Its you that I'm feelin’ for lately and Its like a pain that never goes away and it always starts today -Home To Me Josh Kelley
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Now Then Book Profile buddies (er... henchmen?): Scratchs Laura Rach Regz Seka Lex Beth Invader-Tim Josh Jaimie Rings Reviews Dedicate Design Host |
