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| 2003-08-16/11:46 p.m. Alright, well here I go again with what's going on. What I'm feeling hopefully more than what I've done. Today was a pretty crazy day. I didn't go to sleep until 4am because I had been on the phone with Kenny and Bob. I decided that I wasn't going to let Bob get off the phone b/c he was pooping out on us and I kept bringing up the point that I was leaving in 6 days. So we continued to talk and then he left at four and I decided that it was probably for the best. My sister Jen came over at 10:30 this morning and decided that we all needed to get up and take a bagel to my mother in bed. This would have been fine if my mother had been in a better mood, but she's been basically foul the last couple of days. Then I went to visit Liz for a li'l bit before I had to go to tea. I was watching her pack up her life. This was one of the hardest things to watch. I think I'll handle packing my own life up easier than watching someone pack his/her life up. It just made me sad to watch her do that. Liz has been in the same room as long as I have known her and now that's not going to be her room. It makes everything seems so damned final. I've known Liz longer than any other of my current friends. She's been there for everything that has happened to my family and likewise for me. So knowing that she's not five minutes from me is crazy. Then we went to tea with my two aunts, my cousin, my mom, my sisters and my grandmother. It was my cousin's idea because she couldn't get to my graduation party. It turned out to be on the perfect weekend because my uncle is having prostate surgery on Monday. I found out last week that he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I'm pretty sure the only person I've told about this is Alexis. I'm not sure why it didn't come up before but I'm really worried about him. I love my uncle so much, he's such a great guy. He really keeps a level head about most things, except when it comes to my aunt's health. Watching the two of them together is absolutely amazing. They have been married like 33 years and they are still so incredibly in love with each other I have a hard time imagining anything other than them together. Not like with my parents. I often think that my parents would be better off with other people. But I am really nervous that this is going to turn out badly for our family. I mean this is the same uncle-aunt pair that had my aunt with the stomach cancer. Far too much tragedy than a normal family should have to deal with, especially since they aren't that old. I don't know. I hate the feeling like there's something out there I should be able to do and I can't. I can't stand that I can't be there with my aunt monday morning holding her hand while her husband, the love of her life is in surgery. But I can't. I'll have to wait by the phone waiting for the phone call telling me the results of the operation. I'm not a patient person though... so I'll be pacing around my dining room about to explode all of monday morning because I'll want to be there for that phone call but I know that I shouldn't. I should be doing some of the stuff I meant to do this past week, like pack a li'l more, go to value world to get shirts for school and etc. I just don't want to do it. Well after tea, that sent me on that tangent about my uncle, my sisters mom and grandma went looking to spend money to get money off of parking. This makes no sense to me, but c'est la vie. I came home and I was talking to my dad and I went down to my room to check out all the fun stuff he bought me for school. I got some pretty cool stuff, like my printer, my notebooks, etc and I was just about to put the CD that Laura made for me in my stereo when I notice a CD sitting up against my stereo. I look at it and see that it's the CD that I mentioned to my brother, once, and on the cover it said "To Kat: Good Luck. Love: Brother Bob". The CD, by the way is the 1996 cast of 1776. I said something about it being on my wish list and he went out after work to buy it for me. I just couldn't believe it. It was such a sweet gesture. He was worried that it wasn't the recording that I wanted. This just made me day by that point. Nothing could bring me down from that high ever. I was just completely amazed that he would think to just go out and get that for me. I very nearly cried. That and what he wrote just meant so much to me. It's not a lot, but it was enough. I keep thinking that no one is going to miss me here, but then I know my brother is going to miss me. After I nearly cried Liz, Bob and I went to get dinner. This was a special thing for us b/c we normally only eat like Taco Bell and stuff like that, but we were going to go to a restaurant and that was what Bob and I decided. So we went to the diner on clifton where I totally got hit on by our waiter. It was really cool. He was really hot. Probably about 25ish give or take a year. He was really nice as well. It was totally awesome. He looked an awful lot like my new love. So maybe this guy would be better bet then the new love. Then I went and organized some stuff to make Liz a playlist on her computer to take to school with her. I watched her dad pack up her van and again it just made me sad. She was so sad as well. I didn't like seeing Liz sad. It makes me sad too. But we have Taco Bell and we had ice cream too! So we're a li'l better now. And then we went to Matthew's and she said goodbye and here I am! ~Kates I need a place where I can go, Where I can whisper what I know, Where I can whisper who I like And where I go to see them. I need a place where I can hide, Where no one sees my life inside, Where I can make my plans, and write them down So I can read them. A place where I can bid my heart be still And it will mind me. A place where I can go when I am lost, And there I'll find me. I need a place to spend the day, Where no one says to go or stay, Where I can take my pen and draw The girl I mean to be. -The Girl I Mean To Be "Secret Garden"
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