It's been Awhile since stand on my own two feet again

    2003-07-10/5:12 p.m.

    It seems like people are always asking me if I'm happy.  Well not all the time, but it dawned on me when I was with Liz today that people are under the assumption that if I'm not bouncing of the walls then there's something seriously wrong with me.  
I've come to determine more than anything I am indifferent to most things.  Indifference seems to be my favorite emotion.  I think it's because it's so borderline.  I don't ever have to make a decision about anything if I remain indifferent.  I know it seems odd that someone would like to not have to feel anything, but it makes things work for me.  If I'm going to feel it's going to be superficial things, like over a book or something.  If I get too emotionally attached to something tangible it'll all just blowup in my face.  I doesn't even have to be a happy emotional attachment, it could  be an attachment that I have to a hate that I am holding on to without thought of what it's doing to me.  I don't know if that makes any sense but I hope it does.  
I keep thinking that there's a better way to spend my time than sitting around doing basically nothing but talking to my friends.  But I realize that it's my job to talk to my friends, and to listen to them.  I have to help them as much as they have helped me.  I really do try my best to be unbaised but sometimes it doesn't help and I try to help people so they are happy because even if it's my favourite emotion most of the people I know like it.  
Happy trails!
~Kates
so you're searching for an angel
someone who can make you whole...
i cannot save you i can't even save myself
i know that you've been damned
your soul has suffered much abuse
but i am not your savior
i am just as fucked as you...
i cannot save you i can't even save myself
please don't take pity on me
my life has been a nightmare
my soul is fractured to the bone
so if i must be lonely
i think i'd rather be alone...
you cannot save me you can't even save yourself
-Save Yourself
Stabbing Westward

god you dumbass.


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