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| 2003-07-07/7:14 p.m. Well here I am. Back again thinking about what I really have to say. The past couple of days have been really frustrating. Not the days really, but I've been frustrated. Like it just doesn't seem like everything's going to same as before. Sure you're thinking 'because it's not' but I'm talking about the beginning of the year, or even the end of the year, but since school ended it seems like this thing has been looming over me. It really started on the 4th, but something else has been bugging me I guess. But on the 4th I went to a party and then Liz and I went to visit Kenny at his house. It was like 2:30 in the morning which made it all really fun. But it still didn't feel right. Maybe it was carry over from why I was upset beforehand. But it just felt weird sitting on Aaron's porch watching everyone around me stare at me because I was the one there not drinking. I don't really think it's a problem that I don't drink. But that feeling just carried over on Saturday as well. I went to Rachel's to drop off a movie and a CD (which I'll check my liner notes, but I'm pretty sure she's not in Songs For A New World). I liked hanging out with her and I had just an absolute blast watching her twitch when her mother mentioned 'menopause'. But I left because I had to go to this party. I went and for the first hour I just had a horrid time. Then my cousin's friends Kevin and Sandy showed up and it got really good b/c I felt like I could just sit and talk to them. They didn't really look down on me because I wasn't drinking and they talked to me like they would have anyone else. Then I went to get the girls and when Liz came into the party she wasn't happy b/c of a fight w/ her Marc. But I talked with Katie's Marc and we had a pretty good time. But for the past couple of days I've felt like something was building up and I was going to explode so when I got really annoyed with Liz yesterday I tried my best to stay away from her becuase I knew my feelings of the past weekend would have more of an effect on what I said to her b/c I was upset and I didn't want to explode on her about things that weren't her fault you know? So I went and I talked to her and everything between us is resolved. Well I hope I have throughly confused you and I look forward to opening up more next time! ~Kates. Crawling in my skin Without a sense of confidence, confidence, confidence... Consuming, confusing Crawling my skin Without a sense of confidence and i'm convinced that theres just too much pressure to take Theres something inside me that pulls beneath the surface I'm crawling in my skin (Crawling in my skin) These wounds they will not heal (These wounds they will not heal) Fear is how I fall (Fear is how I fall) Confusing, confusing what is real Confusing what is real... Theres something inside me that pulls beneath the surface Consuming, confusing This lack of self-control I fear is never ending Controlling, I cant seem To find myself again My walls are closing in (Without a sence of confidence, and i'm confinced that theres just too much pressure to take) I've felt his way before, so insecure... -Crawling Linkin Park
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